You are unique. There is no one in the world who has had the same set of circumstances as you. Even twins don’t have the same life experiences as each other. If we are all unique, why do we spend so much time trying to fit in?
Fitting in is engrained into our DNA. If we go back to hunter gatherer times, in order to hunt for food and survive, we would have to work in groups. Alone, you would not be able to chase down and kill your food, nor look after your family, cook, gather nuts and seeds, etc.
If you were someone who got kicked out of your group, you would not make it alone on your own. Since those hunter gatherer times, we’ve been learning these lessons of trying to please others who are in charge and to do what others day in order to survive.
The challenge is that we’ve given up our individual uniqueness in order to survive and fit in. So how do we reconcile our uniqueness and at the same time, being able to contribute and be a part of a community?
The answer lies in your goals. Are you looking for surviving or to thrive in life? Actions that are required for instances of survival are different than in thriving.
Let’s take medicine for example. Let’s say you needed life saving open heart surgery, the surgeons would not hesitate to crack open your chest and ribs in order to save you. The actions would be more extreme than usual. This would be to save your life.
In survival, fear in involved. Fear of losing something or not having something. This would cause you to do different actions vs in thriving mode. In thriving, we are searching for more. To be more, do more, to explore more about ourselves.
Once you have your basic elements for survival, i.e. food, a place to live, etc. You can start to explore of your uniqueness and what it takes to thrive.
There is room for both survival and growth. We need to adapt to what is needed for the time.
There are many books in the personal development space that talk about the habits of successful people i.e. the 7 Habits of Highly Successful People. They follow and find out the habits that make successful people who they are and it is said that if we do those same habits, we would get the same results in our lives. While there is some truth to this, there is a key element missing…..
We don’t want simply the habits that successful people have, we want to know and emulate the THINKING behind the actions that they take.
If a successful habit is to wake up early in the morning, why is it that they think that? What is the thought process behind that? We want to then examine what their thought patterns are versus our own and find out the gap.
If you think like a successful person, then you will create your own habits that suit you to lead you to the results that you want. For instance, if a successful person was productive waking up early so they would meditate, workout etc. when it was quiet. You still also apply that success principle if you are a night person and stay up late to do those things. We want to know the why behind the doing.
A good question to ask yourself is: How does this successful person think vs how do I think? What is the thought behind their action? What is the thought behind mine?
Analyzing your own thought patterns will allow your to discover which actions you take that are congruent with who you are. People can only see your actions, they cannot see your thinking.
If you’re at the grocery store and trying to portray a picture of health, what would your grocery cart look like? Make sure that you are congruent in your thoughts and behaviours.
Change your thoughts and you change your life!
Want to learn more? Come to an advanced workshop starting in Jan 2018!
As usual, life is teaching me lots of lessons. These past few weeks, one of my lessons has been to learn to get comfortable with being uncomfortable.
It has often been said that growth occurs outside of our comfort zone. So, if you want to grow, you have a couple options....
1. You can take an active approach, figure out your fears, and start tackling them one by one. This is the brave and courageous approach.
2. You can wait for life to throw circumstances in your way where you are forced to grow (most of us). This is what happened to me.
3. Resist the growth and fight tooth and nail against it whenever you are called to make a change. This method is popular as well.
As I’m nearing my due date for the baby, life is getting more and more uncomfortable. It’s harder to walk long distances, go upstairs and do the things that I usually do. This has been a blessing and a curse for me. I’m used to running around and moving quickly through the day. I’ve been forced to slow down and in doing so, enjoy the process of taking my time to get places.
It’s been hard to sleep at night because there are just no more comfortable positions. This has taught me the gift of time relativity. The paradox being that at night, when you’re awake, the hours seem to pass by so very slowly. If you do fall asleep at your regular time, 5am comes too quickly. It's funny because both "times" are the same but what you are doing with the time differs and that gives the illusion of time being different. This has taught me to appreciate the illusion of time.
The more I get comfortable with things that are uncomfortable the more I’m learning about myself and about life.
This week, do something outside your comfort zone and tell us below what you discover about yourself.
We take care of our outward appearance by the clothes we wear, how we groom ourselves, exercising to look a certain way, etc. but what habits do we have to nurture us on the inside?
Task: Take a look at your weekly schedule and tasks that you do, is there time for your inner nourishment?
For myself, I found morning meditation, working out at the gym for increased energy and strength, journalling for inner reflection and visiting my chiropractor for inner balance on my weekly schedule.
If you didn’t find any, here are some suggestions to help:
We spend so much time worrying about how others perceive us that we don’t spend time on what really matters to us and that’s how we feel and think internally. Work on your inside world and it will be reflected in your outer world.
As you take more time to connect with you, you will notice your quality of life changes around you as well.
Need more help? Give us a call for a free 15 minute consultation 613-761-1600
Dr. Amanda is a non-traditional chiropractor who focuses on Neuro-Optimization in Ottawa, Canada.