In Turning Setbacks into Comebacks- Part 1, I told my story about how I turned what was supposed to be a major business setback into a comeback. I also talked about what I learned from the experiences. In Part 2 of this article, I’m going to go through the precise steps and questions that I asked myself to make my come back.
Firstly, when we experience what we consider to be a setback, whether in business, health, relationships, finances, etc. we want to examine our expectations of the situation.
Where our expectations realistic? I often have people coming into the office with health challenges and having unrealistic expectations of how long it will take to heal. If you come into the office with poor posture, it did not get there overnight. Poor posture is built over years and years of abusing your body and neglect. It will not take a couple of visits for your to straighten up.
Look at the last time you had a setback in an aspect of your life. Did you have realistic expectations of the situation. Hint: probably not. If not, what was the reality of the situation?
Next, we want to examine the setback further. Here are some questions to ask yourself:
Whether you decide to call it quits or make a comeback, the experience will have taught lots of life lessons. Appreciate what you learned and take this new version of you into your next adventure.
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Some people create goals or resolutions and then forget about them. How can they come true if they aren’t in your consciousness?
Remember that success and failure are both choices. In fact, they are made up of many choices along our way. We don’t become overweight because of one bad food choice. We become overweight by many poor choices, repeated over again.
You need to choose to take action on your goals. Over and over again until you achieve your desired results.
Here are some ways to keep your goals at the top of your mind
The more you put your goals in the forefront of your mind, the easier it will be to manifest them. What are some things you do?
Often times we set goals or resolutions at the beginning of the year. Most times, we forget about them after a few months. Here is a way that allows you to focus on your goals for the year.
Set a monthly theme for you goal. That way, you only focus on a single goal or theme for 1 month at a time. 1 month is easier to maintain than 1 year. Also, you can keep something up for 30 days but it’s much harder to do it for 365 days.
My theme for the next 5 months is to focus on connection. I’ve further broken my theme down into 5 areas to focus on for each of the next 5 months.
Month 1- connection with myself- since the birth of my child, I’ve neglected certain areas of my life. In this month, I look to add back into my life regular exercise, journaling and meditation. I will also give myself grace by not mandating that I do something religiously or like I did before, recognising that I have new priorities in my life that require my time. Instead of working out 5-6 times a week like before, I will try for once every 2 weeks. During this month, my question that I ask myself will be: is this task (i.e. watching tv, going on social media, etc) bringing me closer to my goal this month?
Month 2- connection with my significant other- it is very important for me to keep our relationship strong. It’s also been harder to find time for ourselves taking care of a baby. This is why I want to make special efforts in making my significant other a priority. We’ll try for date nights or to cook together and have quality family time. My question this month will be: is what I am currently doing, going to bring me more connection with my significant other or my family?
Month 3- connection with my child- it is important to me to foster a great connection with my baby. When we’re together or as a family, I want to focus on being present when we play or learn. I will enjoy our moments together and get to know this amazing little human. My question will be: am I being fully present to connect with my child?
Month 4- connection with family and friends- these relationships are very important to me and are part of my village. I want to foster these connections.
Month 5- connection with my business- I love what I do and I am very fortunate to have amazing patients. I love connecting with them and watching their lives change for the better.
What are other areas that you would like to focus on? Finances, health, etc? Pick the areas you want to focus on and get started!!
Need some help? Come on by to one of our monthly workshops: 613-761-1600
That’s it! You’re frustrated with your body. It’s not healing at the rate you want it to. You’ve had a cough or cold for 3 weeks now….andyou're sick and tire of being sick.
This had been my reality for the past couple week and I was fed up. I even started saying to myself “how come my body can’t heal? Why is this happening to me? And then I get upset at my body….after a few minutes, I discovered that this line of thinking wasn’t helping. So this is what I did….
I ask different questions to contradict what my mind was telling me. Instead, I asked “what are recent examples of my body healing?” Then I remembered that I pulled a muscle and it was much better, the bruise on my shin is nearly gone and the scrape on my elbow is healed. How can I say that my body is not healing when clearly, it is?
This allowed me to see that my mind was playing tricks on me. My body is in fact healing! It simply needs more time or more sleep, or help in the form of supplements, herbal remedies etc,
The trick is to find evidence that contradicts what your mind is telling you.
If your mind is telling you, having a bigger house, nicer car, making more money, etc will make you happy. Ask yourself the reasons for why this may not be true. If I had a bigger house...what I be happier? Well, personally, it may mean more grass to cut, a bigger mortgage, more rooms to clean, etc. That would not make me happy at all.
If my mind said that being in any relationship would make me happy. I would ask, how many people are unhappy in relationships. It's got to be a good relationship for me and sometimes, that takes patience and time.
Before you want what someone else has because you think it will bring you happiness, ask yourself if it really will.
Practice this technique of questioning your mind and let me know how it goes.
Too often, we’re trying to “find time” to fit things in. How often have you said to yourself that you have to find time to take care of your health, kids, etc.? Instead of trying to find time, schedule the time into your schedule. What gets scheduled, gets done!
If something such as your health is truly important to you, you will make the time for it. It becomes a must. Schedule your gym times like your do your other appointments (like your chiropractic appointments haha).
Every Monday morning from 8-10am is my “getting stuff done for the office” time. It’s blocked off in my agenda and that is when I write my blogs, work on my files for the office, prep newsletters, etc. If I need more time, there is a block on Tues morning for spillover activities.
Put your important tasks, events, etc into your schedule and then you don’t have to stress about making time for them.
Now...if your schedule is overfull already, that’s a different challenge :) That is a sign of priorities. If you’ve got a to-do list a mile long, you will have to decide first, what are your priorities. From there, look at your task list and ask yourself “which task, if I accomplish today, will allow me to feel like I had a successful day? Then start with that task. Get it out of the way.
Need help with priorities? Come to one of our complimentary monthly workshops!
In what areas of your life do you have standards? Even if you aren’t aware, you have them in all areas: finances, health, relationships, work, etc. Sometimes, we are aware of our standards and other times, not.
How do you know when you have dropped one of your standards? One clue is that you get upset with yourself. You may think “I should have known better, or I knew I shouldn’t have done that”. Let’s say you are at school and you enjoy math. Your standard is to get a B or higher on each test. For one test, you drop your standard, stay up late playing video games and don’t study for the test and end up with a D. What would you probably do next time? Raise your standard back up again. When you drop your standards, notice and be aware of it, learn from it and raise them back up again.
Observe, what areas in your life have the highest standards? Are you always on top of your finances? Do you exercise regularly, eat well and take preventative measure for your health? Is it your kids and family that you invest your time in most? The areas where you have the highest standards are also areas that you deem priorities in your life.
The quality of your life is determined by the stands you set for yourself. What are you willing or not willing to accept or tolerate?
You also teach other people how to treat you by what you allow, don’t stop from happening and what you stand for. What are your standards for how others treat you? Do you speak up when something nice is not said or do you let it go?
What are your own standards for treating yourself? Are you kind to yourself? Do you make time to take care or are you the last on your list?
Examine the standards in your life and if you don’t like the levels, raise them!
Is it more important to be consistent over time or to do things with great intensity? Similar to the old fable of the tortoise and the hare, consistency wins out over the long term.
Let’s take working out for example. If you go consistently 3x/wk for a year you could develop more skills and take your time learning proper exercises versus if you went to the gym 1/month and worked out 5 hours each time you went. The body, as with life, enjoys routine and being consistent.
If you were to transfer consistency to business or work, showing up every day over long periods of time, would get you further than showing up once in awhile and working like crazy. It is often seen in the newer stages of a business that founders will work crazy hours at first until it’s not sustainable anymore and either crash, give up or close their business.
It’s not to say that at times, we won't need bursts of intensity where we may have more activities that need our attention. It’s simply not sustainable over a long period of time.
Sustainability is key! Even in change, when you want to change a habit or routine or another pathway from your nervous system to your body, you can’t simply do things once or twice. You been to be consistent and do things multiple times until they become a part of your physiology and then the habit becomes a sustainable habit. Think learning to ride a bike.
If you find yourself going crazy with your to-do lists and doing a million things at a time, ask yourself, is this sustainable? Then re-think your priorities and think long term.
We take care of our outward appearance by the clothes we wear, how we groom ourselves, exercising to look a certain way, etc. but what habits do we have to nurture us on the inside?
Task: Take a look at your weekly schedule and tasks that you do, is there time for your inner nourishment?
For myself, I found morning meditation, working out at the gym for increased energy and strength, journalling for inner reflection and visiting my chiropractor for inner balance on my weekly schedule.
If you didn’t find any, here are some suggestions to help:
We spend so much time worrying about how others perceive us that we don’t spend time on what really matters to us and that’s how we feel and think internally. Work on your inside world and it will be reflected in your outer world.
As you take more time to connect with you, you will notice your quality of life changes around you as well.
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Do you find yourself lacking in confidence sometimes while other times, you have all the confidence in the world?
How can we regain our confidence once it’s gone? The secret is to get your confidence from your previous successes.
I usually tell patients to keep a journal of their wins. The things are they asked for that came true, the times when they didn’t trust in something and it turned out ok in the end, the times they doubted themselves and their fears never came to be. They are to use their journal whenever they doubt something will happen, when they worry or lose faith.
What causes us to lose faith or confidence? When the sun doesn’t come out for a day, we don’t think that the sun will never come out again. Why is that? It’s because the sun has proven over and over, time and time again that it will eventually come back out again.
This is what we have to do to gain back our confidence. Have examples that the “sun” (our relationships, finances, health, etc) will come back out again.
To start your confidence journal, here are some questions you can ask yourself
The more success you have, the more you can build on it. When you don’t think that you can do something, look back at your journal.
Need help creating a success journal? Come to one of our advanced workshops. RSVP 613-761-1600
It’s easy to come up with ideas. Out there, there are millions and millions of ideas. Ideas to change the world and make it a better place, ideas to start a business, ideas to be a better person, etc. Tons of ideas, but most of them stay at that, ideas.
Why is that?
It’s because it doesn’t require that much work to come up with an idea. Ideas are free. When the work starts in turning your idea into something concrete i.e. a business, a structure, etc. It’s when the behaviours need to happen and we think of all the work that we need to do to implement our idea, that we stop.
It’s the start where most people stop.
How many times have you had the idea to go to the gym and be more active? You may have even gone to a gym and signed up for a membership...and then you never went again...except to cancel the membership. The idea of working out sounded nice, but the implementation takes work and that’s where it stopped.
What about that great business idea you came up with to make money. Perhaps you thought of writing a book or creating an online program….and then you got busy and never implemented it. A few years later, you remember your wonderful idea and wonder where you would be now, had you acted on that idea.
Next time you feel like you have a great idea, remember that if you simply start it, you are already ahead of the rest of people who don’t even try.
Over time, if you keep starting things over and over again, eventually, you will build a habit and it will become easier.
Want to meet a group of supportive individuals who would support you in getting to your goals? Come to on advanced workshops.
Dr. Amanda is a non-traditional chiropractor who focuses on Neuro-Optimization in Ottawa, Canada.