Due to our different life experiences, we have all come to our own unique ways in which we see the world. In our personal relationships, wouldn’t it be important to know how you and your partner experience love?
My partner and I took this test (https://www.5lovelanguages.com/) which gave us an idea on what we value and what acts of kindness mean love to us.
For him, words of affirmation were meaningful to him, whereas for myself, acts of service.
With words of affirmation:
Actions don't always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, "I love you," are important – hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten. Kind, encouraging, and positive words are truly life-giving.
With acts of service:
Can vacuuming the floors really be an expression of love? Absolutely! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an "Acts of Service" person will speak volumes. The words he or she most want to hear: "Let me do that for you." Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don't matter. Finding ways to serve speaks volumes to the recipient of these acts.
You can read more of the other communication styles through the link posted above.
What I learned was to tell my partner more often in words, how important he is to me. Once I learned to verbalize my appreciation more, our communication improved. I learned that I was doing acts of service for him and was getting frustrated that they were not appreciated as much as I would have if they were done for me. This caused me to be frustrated.
This was a great lesson on how the same experience can mean something different to someone else. Take the love languages quiz. What do you value?
Dr. Amanda is a non-traditional chiropractor who focuses on Neuro-Optimization in Ottawa, Canada.