Does your confidence go up and down? Some days you can feel like you can do anything or be anything, while other days, you wonder why you even got out of bed. This yo-yo of confidence doesn’t have to be this way. Here are 4 ways to build confidence that is sustainable.
1. Take action over and over again
This is especially true when you make mistakes. There is no such thing as a mistake free life. LIfe isn’t about being perfect the entire way through. Life is about learning, and getting back up when you get knocked down. The only way to succeed is to keep trying.
“Let me tell you something you already know. The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows. It's a very mean and nasty place and I don't care how tough you are it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain't about how hard ya hit. It's about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward. How much you can take and keep moving forward. That's how winning is done!”
― Sylvester Stallone, Rocky Balboa
2. Understand Your Patterns
If you know your patterns and how you react in different circumstances, you can start to change them. What happens when you feel attacked or someone angers you?
Do you withdraw from the conversation?
If it is someone close to you with whom you are arguing, do you withhold something from them? Do you withhold love until they apologize?
Do you fight back? Come out with guns blazing and tell the other person all the ways that they have wronged you in the past?
Do you become quiet? You don’t say a word, even if it’s to defend yourself or someone you love. You would rather not have confrontation.
Take a minute to evaluate your reactions when you feel challenged by someone.
3. Know Your Value
What do you have to offer to this world? You are here with a unique set of gifts, talents and experiences….along with the ability to help others and contribute to making this world a better place. You are important and you matter!
How do you add values to those around you?
“Since the beginning of time never has there been another with my mind, my heart, my eyes, my ears, my hands, my hair, my mouth. None that came before, none that live today, and none that come tomorrow can walk and talk and move and think exactly like me. All men are my brothers yet I am different from each. I am a unique creature. I am nature’s greatest miracle.”- Og Mandino
4. Look for Like-minded People
Hang around positive people. Find people who build others up instead of putting them down. Build relationships and a community to support you.
If you need help finding this, come to our free monthly workshops where we learn more about ourselves and help support each other in growth. RSVP 613-761-1600
When someone comes into the office, it’s often because they are feeling some sort of pain. Pain can be physical in nature such as neck pain and back pain or it can be emotional/mental such as getting over a breakup, dealing with stress or anxiety.
Whatever the case, when people come in, they think that pain is what they want to get rid of. This is not the case! People don’t mind pain.
Have you ever gone to the gym knowing that you would be sore the next day? How about the experience of giving birth? There’s usually physical pain associated with that. We also know that at some point in our relationships, there will be an argument that leads to someone feeling emotional pain. It’s not PAIN that people mind, it’s SUFFERING.
Suffering because you don’t know when it will end or suffering that the pain is keeping you from doing something that brings you joy in life. I had a patient who was “dealing” with her pain...until she couldn’t pick up her child anymore.
If you broke your arm, you would be in a cast for 6-8 weeks. Pain would be involved, however, you would deal with it because you knew it was only for a short time. On the other hand, not knowing if something will ever go away or if your body can heal? That, leads to suffering. People mind having pain and being fearful of it!
It is not how you feel that’s important, it’s how you feel about the way you feel. How does your observer feel about how you feel?
A symptom alone does not indicate if you are ill or well and it’s not the reason that motivates you to go into a doctor’s office. Next time you are in pain, take the opportunity to learn about your pain and how you feel about it.
Need help learning about your pain? Dr. Amanda offers free 15 minute consultations in office or over the phone. 613-761-1600
Have you ever pretended to be someone that you weren't for love, to be accepted or to fit in? You are not alone. We all have at some point or another.
There is a deep need in our nervous system to be accepted by others. This was especially useful in the caveman days where people would hunt for food in groups, where it took a village to raise a family and where there was safety in numbers. Back in those times, if you were isolated from the group, you would not survive for long. The need to belong to a tribe or a community was paramount for basic survival.
These days, we will not be getting attacked by lions or saber tooth tigers but the need to belong is still there. It is so ingrained that a lot of us would change who we are in order to fit in or be accepted. The danger in this is that we all become alike. We lose our uniqueness and the special gifts and talents that made us who were are.
So, how do we reclaim our authentic self without guilt, blame or shame?
The first step is to be aware of when you are pretending or acting like someone you are not. Notice when you agree with others even if you don’t have the same opinion as they do. Observe when you hold back your voice and don’t say what’s on your mind. Where does the tension show up in your body?
Acknowledge and catch yourself when you aren’t being you. Look at some of the common patterns of past events in your life. When you were in that bad relationship for too long, when you didn’t look after your finances, when you let your health slide. Notice when you have bartered different parts of yourself away for love, power, and acceptance. Acknowledge when you have sold your authentic voice and your truth.
The common pattern in all your past experiences...is you. Once you know and accept this, then you can create change.
Accept that until now, you’ve been pretending to be someone else, even if you aren’t conscious about it. Commit to being more than who you’ve been. Once acceptance has occurred, take action.
Need help with any of these steps, you can download Dr. Amanda’s free guide to go from surviving to thriving. www. neuro-optimization.com/gift
Has there been someone who hurt you in the past and you are still holding on to that event? Did it happen a long time ago and you still think about it? How do we let go of hold grudges so we can move on.
Firstly, it takes a lot of energy to hold onto a grudge. The longer you hold on to something, the more energy it ties up in your body. Energy that is tied up, can’t be used for other things such as healing, digestion or exercise. If you have years of stored grudges, it wouldn't take much to feel worn out, overwhelmed, get sick, etc.
Holding onto a grudge also has an affect on our self-esteem. This is because we enslave ourselves to others. For example, some people with whom we hold a grudge aren’t even aware that we are upset with them.
Have you ever confronted your parents about an event that upset you in your childhood only to have them say they don’t remember that event? For you, what occurred was etched into your nervous system and you remember the date, who was around, how it make you feel, etc and your parents, didn’t. If someone isn’t aware that you are holding a grudge against them, they also can’t free you.
Others, have even moved away, passed on or are not in your life anymore and you can’t get free even if you want to.
Instead of waiting for someone else to set you free, here is an exercise that you can try on your own.
Imagine them in your mind and your last interaction. Ask them, what they want to say to you and keep quiet. Let them speak. When they are finished, tell them what you would have wanted to tell them. Tell them what you’ve been holding in all this time. When you’re finished, set them free.
For a lot of people, they will feel lighter, calmer and it with a sense of weight being taken off, after this exercise. Congrats! You have set yourself free. For others, the past event may be too etched into your nervous system and you may need additional help.
For a free 15 minute in person or phone consultation, 613-761-1600.
Dr. Amanda is a non-traditional chiropractor who focuses on Neuro-Optimization Chiropractic in Ottawa, Canada.