Why do so many of us have trouble accepting that we are good?
When we were growing up and did something that our parents perceived to be good, we would hear from them that we were good. It may also come with smiles, clapping, a pat on the back, hugs, etc. We learned that if we did something good, we would get positive reinforcement. This recognition started from a young age. When we first rolled, sat up, crawled, took our first steps, we probably heard “Good job!”.
On the other hand, when we did something bad, threw our food, dropped something on the floor and broke it, threw a temper tantrum, didn’t listen, we would hear that we were bad.
Here are two important things that we can take from this
When a baby is born, we don’t look at it as say what a bad person it is. We say how perfect they are. We are excited to see the gifts that they were given and to see the impacts they will have on the world.
It’s time to accept that you are a good person.
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What happens when you do something wrong and someone confronts you about it? Do you apologize right away? Do you get angry and try to defend yourself and/or your actions? Do you shift the blame to someone else who’s around?
I will be the first to say that I am not always great with apologies. After a disagreement or discussion, I usually need to take my time to think about the situation before I can come back and give a heartfelt apology.
Since I was a child, I had a difficult time admitting that I was wrong. Part of it is due to the Asian culture that you need to always save face in front of others and another part is the perfectionist programming in me. I wrongly programmed into me the belief that if I made mistakes and others knew my flaws, I would not be good enough and that I would not be loved.
This erroneous programming has caused problems in relationships, connections with others and myself and had the opposite effect to feeling loved.
After the awareness of this belief, I have worked hard to be aware of this programming and am taking steps to improve upon it.
So, how do you react when you are wrong? If it’s blame, shame, avoidance or running away. This is a growing opportunity for you.
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Magic is always happening around us, all we have to do is notice it.
When we focus on the to do lists and tasks we have to do, it’s hard to see the magic. However, when we focus on looking for magic, it suddenly appears.
Who’s eyes are the best in seeing magic? Young children.
My toddler can look at a piece of grass for a long time, collect rocks at the park, stop and smell every flower on our walk, play with sand, laugh at everything and my hugs fix bo bo’s for him. What would our world be like if we saw the magic in every encounter?
I tried just this for 1 day. Here is what happened:
What 1 day, try asking yourself the questions, where is the magic in this encounter. Write your experiences below.
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Weight issues are deeply ingrained into our society. So much so that the weight loss industry is worth billions of dollars.
I was working with a patient last week who felt badly about her weight and I wanted to get to the bottom of when her programming started. When I got home, I realised that it starts from birth.
When babies are born, what is one of the first questions we ask? How much did they weigh? Depending on the answer, it’s common to hear: oh, that’s a big baby or wow, she’s so small. From the moment we arrive in this world, we are already hearing judgements about our weight.
As we go to baby wellness checks at the doctor’s office, what is measured? Weight. We are then compared to other babies on a growth chart to see how the weight is progressing. If it’s too high, we’re told to watch the weight and if it’s too low, healthcare providers are concerned.
When my kids were born, I was told that they had up to 2 weeks to get back to their birth weight. If not, my health practitioner would be worried. Babies often lose weight in the first few days after birth, because it takes a bit of time for the mother’s milk to come in. This in turn made me worried and focused on the weight of the baby.
From day 1, we are weighed and based on the number, there is judgement placed upon us. No wonder we all have stories in our nervous systems about weight.
What should we focus on instead? How healthy we are! Are you eating a healthy diet? Do you exercise? How do you feel emotionally and mentally? Are you in pain?
Track your health, not your weight.
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Dr. Amanda is a non-traditional chiropractor who focuses on Neuro-Optimization Chiropractic in Ottawa, Canada.