Breaking the Family Cycle

Our families can be our teachers.  Sometimes, we like what we see and we try to repeat what we were taught.  What we see and don’t like, we can change in ourselves and the next generation after us.  Other times, we pick things up unconsciously and don’t become aware that it becomes a part of us until later on.

Growing up, finances were always tight.  My immigrant mother was a single mom, worked all day, went to school during the evenings and raised 2 kids without help as her family was on the other side of the world.  

I learned so much from my mom and continue to do so today.  What I wasn’t aware of was a pattern that I had learned through her.   

A few nights ago, my partner and I were discussing finances.  He was able to have a rational and calm discussion while I found myself getting irritated when he asked more in deapth questions or gave me suggestions on how to handle a situation.  I had my way of handling a situation and wasn’t open to listening to his way, even though I could see the holes in my way. He noticed I was getting flustered and raising my voice and asked why.  

I stepped away to get a drink of water and then became aware that I was having a stress, fight or flight response.  I felt under attack in some way...even though the conversation was completely calm. I came back and apologised and listened to the other side.

It wasn’t until the next day while I was doing the dishes that it hit me.  I was reacting to this situation like I had watched my mom do before! Groan...I was perpetuating the family pattern!  I laughed once I realized this. It also allowed me to take a more balanced approach to things.

Next time you react to something, ask yourself.  Where did I get this pattern from? Why am I reacting this way when there is no actual threat.

Need help observing your patterns?  Give us a call. 613-446-6060

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