Disease to Please

The disease to please is running rampant in our culture and has lead to people feeling angry, depressed, undervalued and overworked.  

Here are some symptoms of the disease:

• You find yourself saying Yes to something even though you wanted to say No
• You take on extra tasks even though your plate is full
• You don’t speak up about something that’s bothering you because you don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings
• You put on a happy smile and underneath, you are angry and irritated
• You start snapping at others when you normally wouldn't and then later apologize for your behaviour blaming a different cause other than the person who got you upset
• You feel underappreciated and alone because you do so much for others and don't take enough time for yourself
• You wonder when all this work will end
• It seems like you are running around doing everything while others seem to be resting
• You get invited to go to an event and say yes, even though you don’t want to go.  Then you spend the next week thinking about how you don’t want to go to the event, and then come up with a reason to cancel or don’t show up at all.  

For some people, the need to please can extend as far back as they can remember.  I know that to be the case for me.  As a child, I thought, if I did everything for everyone then more people would like me.  I associated being a good child with doing things for others, even at the expense of myself.  

So once you know you have the disease to please, what do you do next?

My first step was to take a 1 week break from outside requests.  What this meant was, if I was e-mailed something or verbally asked to do something, I would respond, “I am currently taking on too many requests at the moment.  If in a week, you still need help, I can re-evaluate your request at that time.”

After a week, I had a better idea of what I was able and willing to help with and what I really didn’t want to do.  Each request that came in, I would hold off on answering for a specific period of time, to give myself a chance to see how I really felt about it.  If I received a request via e-mail.  I would take an extra half a day to get back to the person.  If it was in person, in my head, I would say “pause” and check in with myself.  

Today, when a request comes in, I am able to check in to see if I am capable.  If not, I learned that it’s ok to say no.  

Practice taking your “request pause” and let me know how it goes.  

For more information and tips, come to one of our complimentary workshops.