This morning my son accidentally hurt me. He was walking backwards while I was lying on the floor playing with his sister. He didn’t see me and ended up stepping on my head. I exclaimed “Ouch!” and sat up to see if I was hurt. I then turned to my son and asked for an apology. Instead of hearing “Sorry Mama”, I heard ‘No!”. I proceeded to tell him that I was not mad at him, that he was not in trouble and he did accidentally step on someone and when we do that, we say sorry. He still refused.
To me, it was a simple “sorry” and that was all. Instead, he cried and ran away and made things harder than they should’ve been.
How many times have we made life more difficult than it should be? If a simple “I’m sorry” was all you had to say to make everything better, why do we choose instead to run away? Why is it so difficult for us to admit when we are wrong?
It was also interesting to watch my reaction. My first instinct was to punish him in some way (turn off Paw Patrol) for not wanting to apologize. I learned that my reaction when my feelings are hurt is to punish and withdraw love.
I observed my first reaction to hold back on love and I chose to react differently. He still needs to apologize or acknowledge that it is not ok to step on people’s head but he will not be getting any less hugs or less love from me as punishment.
The lesson is to teach that there are actions and consequences to certain actions. This does not have to be taking away love which is one of the hardest things for a child.
Interestingly, when I told my husband about the situation, my husband said...he’s just like you!....urgh, it appears that I have more work to do.
How do you react when you are hurt? Where did this programming come from?
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Dr. Amanda is a non-traditional chiropractor who focuses on Neuro-Optimization Chiropractic in Ottawa, Canada.