The Gap Between Stimulus and Response

When you feel an emotion, there is a gap between when you experience the emotion and when you respond to what you’ve experienced.  For some, the gap is smaller than others and that’s where you could see how someone may be labelled ‘quick to anger’.

And how is our response determined?  By our past experiences, especially if they were painful events.  When an event happens, our reptilian brain labels it as safe/unsafe, good/bad, or pain/pleasure.  Thi is to protect you. If another event happens that reminds your brain of a previous painful event, it will right away react in the same fashion as before...even if the circumstances are not the same!  

This means that if for example, you had a negative association with a parent growing up, when you meet someone that reminds you of your parent, you will react with the same behaviours, feelings, etc as with your parent.  

This is why first impressions are important, once you’ve put someone into a category, good/bad, is late/early, etc. you tend to leave them in that category, especially if you’ve known them for a while.  Now, imagine that they’ve changed and are no longer that label...how do you change the way that you’ve labelled them?

The challenge is that your conclusions on an event or person are based on your tools that you used to interpret your situation.  

The solution is to change the way that you see a past event.  For example, if you had a tough childhood and had to overcome many obstacles, you may now view it is life preparing you to be the amazing person that you are.  Life was just building your resilience skills as opposed to life trying to beat you down.

If you change your story about a situation or a person, you change the way you see them.  Change the way you see someone and you change yourself and your past.

Need help changing the way you see something?  613-761-1600